Anupama Parameswaran has also spoken publicly about a past relationship in which she said what was initially a loving experience turned into control, anxiety and emotional stress. Despite people accusing her of being a “gold digger,” she said she had essentially stopped talking about marriage because she feared the relationship might end in divorce. She told me that her instincts told her that everything was going too fast and that the relationship was not right.
Anupama said conversations about engagement and marriage began very early in the relationship. She said she was always concerned about her partner being young and encouraged them to take time before making such a major decision. She even discussed the possibility of egg freezing in the future, she said, as a thought that was something she could consider rather than jumping into marriage at this age. But she said that in the end she always felt like the situation was moving too fast.
The actress also talked about the way the controlling behaviour affected her professional career. Anupama did not promote Dragon, she said, even though the film was one of the most successful ones of her career. She had to let go of so many professional opportunities and slowly changed her behavior because of the relationship. Control was often indirect, she said, and is hard to see where it is happening at the moment.
And when we were talking about how the whole thing affected her mental and emotional state, Anupama described how it did. She said she stopped meeting people, broke down and stopped talking to friends because she was afraid they would say the relationship was unhealthy, even though she was taking medication for anxiety at the time. She said the experience made her withdraw from people so much that she stopped looking at them and even avoided physical affection with members of her own family.
She also described narcissistic abuse as being so emotionally invested that it’s hard to discern manipulation from a person who they believe loves them. Anupama said she was made to feel responsible for someone’s insecurities and emotional difficulties at times. She also recalled being asked to smile during film promotions when someone’s problems were allegedly being carried out privately.
The actress said the repercussions were so severe that her work became so affected that she had to stop shooting several times because of emotional breakdowns. She wrote about how controlling relationships can affect a person’s career, friendships, family relationships and confidence slowly over time.
Anupama has not publicly identified the person she was talking about in these statements. So claims about the identity of her former partner should not be taken as confirmed. Her statements are about a difficult moment in her life, and the allegations have not been independently established.
And yet despite what she went through, Anupama’s decision to speak publicly has stirred thoughts about controlling behaviour in relationships and trusting your own intuition when it feels wrong.
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